Comments on: UPC/Standards

By: Noemi

Noemi — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 14:19:00 +0000

Thank you! It’s been 13 years since I walked away from the UPC and am just now finding the courage to face the process of “reprograming.” My departure from the church was very painful and filled with confusion, guilt, and doubt, however, my love for God and truth would not allow me to stay another day. For 13 years I have tried to ignore the emotional, spiritual, and physical consequences of questioning and leaving this religion that ruled every aspect of my life since I was a child. I hoped ignoring them could make them go away, but this has only prolonged the recovery process. Your site and others I have recently found have given me the strength I need to revisit that fragile,complicated space in my heart and mind. My spirit is broken and needs to be renewed, but I know I wont find peace until I face my past and recuperate from the trauma, yes trauma, that experience caused in my life. Thank you, and everyone else who shares, for speaking up, not with bitterness or malice, but with love. I am looking forward to being healed and finding peace in God’s love.

By: S

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 18:19:48 +0000

Hi Jenni,

A friend of mine emailed me a link to your blog yesterday & I am so glad that she did! I left the UPC fully about 1 year ago however, I still have many ties to it like basically all of my friends are UPC so I still attend some events & weddings & such so its so hard to be between 2 very different worlds. I too don’t want to be one of those people that leave the UPC & Christianity both. I want to remain a Christian but sometimes I feel like I am so damaged & at times feel as if it would have just been easier to stay in it. I’m still not even to the point where I can post pictures on Face book in earring or pants. I’ve gotten over the feelings of looking like I have 10 heads when I wear pants : ) My fundamental questions really started while I was in Bible School the very place where I thought I would finally accept everything as growing up in a UPC ministers family inside I could never quite accept that this faith was right. I still struggle so much with the idea of grace & if I am good enough as a person & good enough to go to heaven. These thoughts drain me to no end & I feel like my twenties have been such a struggle. This is cliché but in many ways I feel like I missed a big part of my childhood struggling with my life’s beliefs & so much guilt & I don’t want to miss the rest of twenties as well. I identify fully with your blog & am looking forward to reading the whole thing in the next week. I really really appreciate that you took the time to make this blog as it is such a relief to read it. My desire is to be an authentic Christian. Thank you for helping my life : )

By: Potatoe

Potatoe — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 21:15:08 +0000

Jenn, I feel the exact same way. Fourteen years of believing things that I just don’t see in the Bible. I have recently taken the time to fast, pray and study the scriptures regarding “standards” and see none of what they say in the word. I feel severely distressed at times when I think of their faces and words, yet completely comfortable before God. I get upset that I actually was stupid enough to believe what I believed. The only way I will ever end up in heaven is b/c of what Jesus did. That’s the ONLY way!!! It’s just hard to get all of those thoughts out of my mind that have been planted. It’s not a nice thing to go through. I know the Bible says “be not dismayed at their faces” but I am talkin about church people. It’s really sad that I can be myself around everyone but them. This is hard.

By: Jenn

Jenn — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 16:59:24 +0000

I am a 10 year recovering Pentecostal. I am the “backslider” that everyone from my former UPC church (very large) looks down upon. Even my own family considers me “backslider” and thinks I need to “come back”. Its so hard because I see them all as brainwashed now. Its a constant struggle reprogramming my brain from all the scare tactics that were used on me for 18 years.

By: Melena

Melena — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 06:05:37 +0000

I am also a recovering pentecostal. I was raised all of my life or childhood in the UPC. When I became an adult I started to question standards and felt all of the experiences that you share in your story. I knew I loved God and wanted whatever he wanted in my life but I was clueless as to the answer of how is “standards” going to progress my relationship with God. I then made a decision to start to pray about what I was feeling and ask God to show me the right path or way in his word. It was from then on a personal thing, a personal relationship that I started to develop with God. Something that I never really done before. God has became my “everything” not church but “God”. There is one question I really dont understand how anyone would think that you cant experience God if you dont belong to a church? And to say his presence is not felt at home, in the bathroom, walking in the yard, driving my car, would all be wrong. I cant wait til Sunday to “feel” God I need him every day of the week.. Something I read that I liked a couple of days ago was a prayer- Father I pray for your will, nothing more and nothing less. Now dont you think that puts everything including “self” out of the way. I am a 14 year recovering pentecostal. I will agree with this group that in no way would I ever disrespect ANYONE who wants to serve God but I have to question myself to the things I do and why I do them. I have realized that its is ok to agree to disagree and God still loves me and you just the same “equal” we are all his children. If you have children then your know no matter what they do you still love them. You may get disappionted or not agree with something they have done but bottom line you will still desire a relationship with them. I feel God desires that personal relationship with us more so that a relationship felt on Sundays. Love is so important between God and I and I and others )

By: Cindy

Cindy — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 00:36:32 +0000

Hi Jenni
I came across this discussion after searching UPC standards. I have been in UPC for over 10 yrs. Within the past 2 yrs I have witnessed too many sisters and leadership condemn women for wearing jeans or even a wedding band. The bible talks about the pharisees and sadducees. How they had the “holy” look but their hearts were afar off. where in the word does it say that women are supposed to wear skirts? where in the word does it say that a woman is not holy if she doesnt wear a skirt? the bible says not to add or take away from it. Man’s standards are NOT the Golden Rule. God is no respector of persons Karie. So to say that His presence is not felt in other churches except UPC is wrong. The word says For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
I dont ever want to get to a place where I think I am “holier than thou” because I follow “man’s” standards..but let me remember the GREATEST commandment of love..1 CORINTHIANS 13…
1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

By: charles

charles — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 09:10:44 +0000

I would like to thank the ladies that find the stregnth to really look at the truth and not base their status of salvation on how they dress. I spent six years of my life in a UPC where there was alot focusing on other issues (standards) besides salvation. Adam & Eve at first had nothing on (as God intended) until they later aquired a conciousness of their nakedness. I’m not claiming we run around in the buff….however, I see that God was looking at our hearts and not at what we are wearing. I believe a gun is not what kills but rather the individual that pulls the trigger.

By: Ellie

Ellie — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 18:37:04 +0000

Hi Jenni,
I really appreciate your outlook, and for putting your experience in words! I am also a recovering Pentecostal, raised in the UPC. It’s been hard to find support for the process of “deprogramming,” because either people (1) on the outside don’t understand the experience, (2) are still on the inside and only want to re-convert me, or (3) have also left and don’t want to talk about it. You’re right, many people who leave the UPC choose not to maintain any kind of Christian faith, but I know if must be very hard psychologically just to bury that whole experience. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story. I’ve actually been looking for a recovering Pentecostals “club” of sorts!!!

By: Jenni

Jenni — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 18:22:29 +0000

Hi Karie,

I understand how you feel… and if you’re happy in that setting, I’m not going to tell you to change.

But I will tell you that God’s presence & guidance are available far beyond the narrow borders of the UPC. Standards can be helpful — and every church has some form of expectations, even if they aren’t codified as Holiness Standards. But standards do not prevent sin. People who live by UPC Holiness Standards are susceptible to sin too They might not be as likely to dress immodestly… but dress standards aren’t going to do much prevent greed, envy, strife… or pride!

By: Karie

Karie — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 17:34:08 +0000

I am a backslider who after 25 years or so, found her way back home. I was raised UPC, and left to live how I wanted, but came back by way of almost every religion out there. There is nothing else that can compare with the Holy Ghost experience! I didn’t want to return to the UPC church. God had to drag me back. I could not find peace elsewhere. No other church had the powerful presence of the Lord that I yearned for. You can turn up your nose at the standards, but when you open your ears and submit He begins to talk to you thru the Spirit. God has quietly spoke to me about things He wanted me to change. I wasn’t doing it for anyone else, but out of pure love and devotion. Yes, my pastor has strong standards, but they don’t press anyone to do what they don’t want to do. There are rules to participate in leadership or on the platform, but if you just want to come to church, you can dress how you like. I am not in bondage, I am free! I have perfect joy and peace! I live like I do because I love Him more than anything else! I pray everday in the Spirit, and ask Him how He wants me to live. The ecstasy of His presence is more than enough to keep me where I know I can get what I need. I do not judge anyone else for how they dress. I may not like it or agree with it, but we all have to answer for our own salvation. I must say that in most churches today, women are showing off their bodies and I ache for the lost paths of yesterday, when we had more respect for the house of the Lord. If we don’t set standards, sin will come into our lives. I for one have noticed in churches where there are no standards, there is no powerful presence of the Lord like I see in the strong UPC churches. I wonder why that is? You may be recovering from the UPC church, but I pray I never do!!!