Over the last month, I’ve been working on the beginnings of Unvarnished Grace – and tonight, I posted my first new blog post there. I’m still working out a few bugs over there, so I wanted to post it here too… and let you know that you can check out what I have so far by visiting http://unvarnishedgrace.com. Here’s the post:

Last Sunday, my pastor began a series on Modern Day Idolatry. He challenged us to think about the things in our lives that take God’s place or keep us from worshiping Him the way we should. So I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the idols (and potential idols) in my life. If your concept of idolatry is limited to images of ancient pagan tribes with statues of mythological creatures, you might have a hard time relating to the idea that idolatry could exist today. But in reality, an idol is anything that we honor with excessive devotion, to the point where it comes before God in some area of our life. This doesn’t mean that everything we spend time doing or everything we enjoy is an idol. It doesn’t mean that God doesn’t want us to be happy. And while I hope to challenge your thinking, it’s not my intention to send anyone on a guilt trip.

Last week’s sermon was well-timed for me, because lately I feel like God’s been challenging me to a sort of spiritual housecleaning, to shine a light into the dark corners, get rid of the cobwebs, toss the boxes of useless things from my past that have been gathering dust in the closet, and get real with Him… because while I might have been content to leave those things tucked away and covered up, they were never hidden from Him.

This week, it struck me that it’s so very easy for me to slip from worshiping the God of All Comfort (2 Cor 1:3) to worshiping comfort as my god. I’ve been guilty of making choices that were easier for me, even when I’ve known in my heart that I should have done something different. No one else knows. But when I find myself justifying certain things to myself and not having peace about it… that’s a pretty clear indicator that I’ve chosen wrong.

At the risk of sounding trite – for me at least, all of my idols start with “I.” It’s about what *I* want or what *I* don’t want. And if I’m putting myself ahead of God, I’m in trouble, no matter how reasonable my explanation (excuse?) might be.

When *I* choose to hold on to a hurt…

When *I* insist on having the last word…

When *I* deserve…

When *I* resent…

That’s when I fail.

And that’s when I need His grace to tear down the idol… again.

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Galatians 5:1 is a verse that is much loved and often quoted by those of us who have lived through dysfunctional church experiences:

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” (NASB)

We understand that verse better than the average Christian… because we know first-hand what it’s like to be controlled by someone else. Freedom just means so much more to those who know what it is like to have lost it.

Yet ironically, our past experiences and present longing for freedom is often what keeps us in future slavery. We don’t want to get hurt again, so we set the bar pretty high… but that can be a problem when the things we want out of a church are so specific, numerous, and subjective that no community of believers could ever measure up. In essence, we’re taking the legalism that was once applied to us as individuals and applying it back to the church.

Legalism is legalism. It’s no better when it’s coming from us than it was when it was directed towards us. In fact, it’s worse when it’s coming from us! (See Mark 7:20)

A friend posted this last night and it really resonated with me. If you’re struggling to find a church home, think about this:

If we call ourselves Christians but refuse to be part of a church, we’ll just be limping along, forgetting our family can help us walk. ~ Trip Lee

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It’s hard to believe that it’s been 7 years now since I walked away from a difficult church situation… and 5 years since I began to blog about my struggles as I tried to find my place in a healthy church. A lot has changed over those years. I’ve been through some horrible crises and enjoyed some amazing epiphanies (those wonderful “aha!” moments when you see something clearly for the first time).

When I began this blog, “Recovering Pentecostal” was a very appropriate title. My Pentecostal-ness had been so much a part of my identity, and the consequences of a messed-up theology were so deeply enmeshed in my life, that it continued to define me even after I left. Gradually, over these last 5 years years, my focus changed: and now I believe I can honestly say that my spiritual life is about my relationship with God, not about my relationship with religion.

Now, it’s time for my blog to change too, but I wanted to give you a “heads up” before I do.

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be revising and reorganizing my blog… not just with a new look, but with a new name. I’ve chosen “Unvarnished Grace” because that’s where I am now. To me, “unvarnished” is raw and unadulterated. It is what it is… and hasn’t been polished and stained to look like something else. It’s authentic, it’s real. That’s the kind of grace that God has given to me… and it’s what I long to show to others.

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This morning, I saw a familiar verse quoted on a friend’s page. Here it is in the NASB:

“Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;” (Heb 12:14-15 NASB)

But my friend also quoted it in the Amplified version:

“Strive to live in peace with everybody and pursue that consecration and holiness without which no one will [ever] see the Lord. 15 Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another], to see that no one falls back from and fails to secure God’s grace (His unmerited favor and spiritual blessing), in order that no root of resentment (rancor, bitterness, or hatred) shoots forth and causes trouble and bitter torment, and the many become contaminated and defiled by it” (Heb 12:14-15, Amplified)

Usually, Heb 12:15 is quoted to encourage folks to examine themselves and keep bitterness out of their own lives. And that is true, we do need to examine ourselves and our attitudes. But what struck me this morning was the extra emphasis in the Amplified: “Exercise foresight and be on the watch to look [after one another].” We’re not just supposed to look after ourselves! If we are in a community together, we should be watching out for one another.

Bitterness is a deeply personal thing… but it’s also something that, frankly, others can clearly see long before the bitter person is conscious of it himself/herself. Unfortunately, many times, we don’t “look after one another” in this regard… but look down on one another and avoid the issue. We recognize the sinful attitude of the bitter person and condemn them to isolation without extending the grace that could not only heal them but prevent much damage to others as well.

When I see v 15 this way, it makes me look at verses 12-13 differently as well:

“Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, ¹³ and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.” (Heb 12:12-13 NASB)

We are all members of one body. I pray that I might become one who heals rather than one who puts things out of joint.

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I found these old road signs in several places in and around Louisiana’s Chicot State Park. I had never seen one before. At first… I kinda laughed when I saw them. It’s a rather ambiguous warning. What exactly does “substandard roadway” mean? Are the foundations about to crumble at any moment? Did they pave it with second-hand asphalt? What exactly was wrong with the road? On this beautiful, sunny morning everything looked fine to me… but what unknown danger was waiting around the next bend? Sharp curve? Falling rocks? Potholes? Dead end? Animal crossing? Should I just turn around?

Turns out that these signs are unique to Louisiana, and come from a program that was abandoned in the early 1990s… apparently, at least in part because of the ambiguity. The idea was to warn drivers about roads that fell short of meeting the highest standards — lanes too narrow, missing or inadequate shoulders, poor grading, etc. These were mostly older roads that were state-of-the-art in their time: before SUVs and low-riders and monster-sized pickup trucks were available to the masses. They just weren’t designed to accommodate that kind of traffic the way modern roads are. These “substandard roadways” weren’t bad enough that they needed to be shut down… and while most folks never have any problem using them, it wouldn’t hurt to pay a little extra attention when you find yourself on a “substandard” section. In a perfect world, every road would be freshly paved with wide shoulders and flawless drainage… and there would be no accidents.

But it’s not a perfect world. We’re living in a fallen, less-than-ideal world. When we hit a particularly bad stretch, sometimes there are warning signs… but we can miss them or misunderstand them. So more frequently than we’d like to admit in life, our substandard understanding collides with a substandard circumstance… and people get hurt.

I was glad to see 2011 come to a close. In many ways, it was a difficult year for me. I felt like I could see the signs that something wasn’t right — just like those deprecated and ambiguous “Substandard Roadway” signs. I didn’t know what they really meant or why they were there. All I knew for sure was that I was on a difficult road, I was there alone, and I could only guess at why. And I guessed wrong. I was so concerned about a possible sharp curve ahead… that I wound up getting hit by the falling rocks I wasn’t even expecting.

And that’s just life sometimes.

After something like that happens… it’s probably human nature to want to turn around and go another way, to abandon the difficult road in favor of a different one. It would be easier… but if we refused to travel on anything but the best roads that met the ultimate standards… we’d never get very far.  And the most amazing things in life… well, they tend to happen most frequently when you choose the more difficult road.

I’m not making New Years Resolutions this year. But I do have a goal or challenge for myself: to take the more difficult road, to do it quickly (rather than delaying and avoiding it), to travel it completely without unnecessary u-turns, and to accept that some things are just plain substandard… and I might not be able to (or even need to) fix them all.

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Tonight, Anderson Cooper featured some of the moms from “Toddlers and Tiaras” on his Ridiculist. Granted… that’s a pretty easy call. I wonder how these folks can stand to watch themselves on TV. I’m kinda embarassed for them, even tho I doubt that they’re embarassed by much of anything, considering that they signed a release to show the world how they treat their kids… all so that someone else will call their kid “beautiful.”

And while the Ridiculist was still playing, I happened to click through to a blog post from a pastor who says that women need to hear the words “You Are Beautiful” every day.

Really?

Now, in that pastor’s defense, he wasn’t just talking about beauty pageant beauty, but the inner beauty that everyone has because they were created in God’s image. But honestly… I can live a very happy life without ever hearing the words “You Are Beautiful.” Partly, that’s because “you are beautiful” is a trite and often insincere statement from folks who think they are supposed to say it, or (worse) from folks who hope to gain something from you by saying it. And I realize that’s not always the case: I go to a church where every male leader takes every possible opportunity to publically call his wife beautiful from the pulpit, and I’m sure they’re sincere & say it as a high compliment.

But don’t call me beautiful.

“Beautiful” has nothing to do with who I am, my character, my creativity, my intelligence, my integrity, my abilities. We praise men for these characteristics, things that are more than just skin deep. That’s what I want. That’s what I can’t live without. If you’re going to praise me, praise me for the same things that the Proverbs 31 woman is praised for: trustworthiness, business skills and savvy, productivity, generosity, humor, and wisdom (to name a few).

Don’t call me beautiful. Beauty is vain. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

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I have a confession to make: I cringe a little when folks quote Jeremiah 29:11.

I can understand why it’s such a favorite — after all, who wouldn’t want that kind of promise for themselves? Here it is in the NIV:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

But taken alone (which it almost always is), it seems to mean something that the author never intended.

I can hardly read it, even today, without the mental image of a Word of Faith/Prosperity preacher, beads of sweat on his brow, a look of intensity on his face, dramatically pointing at people and quoting this verse, his booming voice lingering for effect on the words “prosper”, “hope” and “future.” And the message is that God wants to bless you, prosper you, great things are going to happen for YOU! Your future is bright and full of the promise of happiness, financial success, and health! You are chosen! God has big plans for your life!

The problem is, if you take the verse in context, that’s not really what Jeremiah was saying.

This verse is most often quoted and applied to specific individuals — but Jeremiah is talking to the Jewish people as a whole. This isn’t a promise to every specific individual; it’s a promise to preserve a nation. Yes, it’s still a positive message — but not a prosperity message. It’s not a “God has Big Plans for YOU” message. Not the kind of spiritual “instant gratification” that seems so popular today.

“Prosper” is probably not the best translation of the Hebrew here. In fact, the word that is most often used when speaking of material prosperity, tsalach, is not the word used in this verse. It’s shalom… and while shalom can mean many things, it’s the word we most often associate with the English word “peace.” Here’s the same verse in the NASB:

“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.”

If this verse really meant what some modern preachers would like us to believe, then why didn’t Jeremiah’s audience react the way modern audiences do? Jeremiah wasn’t received as a hero. He was ultimately imprisoned because he did NOT preach a feel-good message. So why do we feel at liberty to take it as a feel-good message today?

Jeremiah was writing a message of consolation, not celebration. He wasn’t giving his audience hope for immediate or or near-term blessings. In fact, when we read this verse in context, we see that Jeremiah was bringing comfort to people who would most likely be dead before these words were fulfilled. He was not promising an absence of calamity — the exile itself was a hardship that would have to be endured, and Jeremiah promised even MORE calamity for those who hadn’t been carried off into exile. We only have to go back to verse 10 to see that the promise of verse 11 would come only after 70 years of captivity had passed. There was an awful lot of time and hardship standing between the exiles and the fulfillment of this verse.

If we go back even further, to Chapter 28, we’ll see that Jeremiah was in conflict with another self-proclaimed prophet, whose message was much more in line with the “instant gratification” message of today. Jeremiah was telling the people that they would be in captivity for 70 years and they needed to pray for their captors and make the best of it. Hananiah was telling them that within two years, they’d be out of captivity and everything would be restored. Can’t help but wonder, which prophet would the modern church embrace?

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September turned into a month of extreme contrasting memories and emotions for me:

Preparing for a 9/11 service, and re-living a host of emotions and memories 10 years later…

The paradox of attending a conference which simultaneously stirred strong memories of both belonging and rejection…

Passing through a former hometown and visiting with some wonderful old friends… and remembering the abuse and control that we were subject to at our former church…

Attending a funeral for a fellow church member’s father, which stirred memories of my own father’s death… and made me wonder what my own funeral would be like.

Funerals aren’t for the dead, they’re for the ones left behind. But since I’m single and have no children of my own, I wouldn’t be leaving anyone behind. So who would be there? What would be said? What would be in my obituary? Who would even write it, let alone read it?

Would people actually miss me, or just wonder why certain things weren’t getting done anymore?

Will I truly make an impact in the areas that I’m passionate about before I die? Or will I spend my life working for things that aren’t going to last… and people who aren’t even going to remember?

Will anything or anyone truly be better because I was here?

Those are questions that I can only answer myself, by the way I choose to live. But thinking about all of this is good for me — it’s healthy — because unless we step back every once in while to see the big picture, it’s easy to forget that the things that scream the loudest for our attention are often the most insignificant. The significant is nearly always silent. It doesn’t seek you out, it demands to be sought.

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I’ve been on a technological roller coaster over the last few months. It started when some of the technology I relied on for day-to-day life — my laptop and my cell phone — both failed within days of each other. That experience was both frustrating and eye-opening. I never realized how much I used my smartphone, not just for texts, calls, and checking email — but for more mundane tasks like checking the time and acting as my alarm clock in the morning.

Being without a phone and a laptop at the same time also gave me a chance to ponder my options moving forward. And since I was already planning to add a tablet to my tech family, I began to consider two sets of options: Go with Apple (Macbook Pro / Iphone / Ipad) or go with HP (Envy / Pre / Touchpad). An Android family of options didn’t even make my list — my secondary cellphone is an Evo, a “top of the line” Android contender for its time, but it failed to impress me.

In the end, I went with my heart and my wallet. The biggest ticket item in this purchase trio by far was the laptop, and the bottom line was that I could get much more computing power for the same price if I went the PC route. And I had fallen in love with WebOS. It was so easy to use and intuitive for me.

In retrospect, I guess I should have realized that all was not well with HP when I attempted to buy a laptop from them. The Envy model that I wanted had been discontinued, and that same set of features was no longer available in any laptop system from HP. It struck me as odd… and seemed like a bad customer service / marketing move… but didn’t raise any major red flags at the time. In the end, my laptop business went to Dell.

I was also a little disappointed that the much-hyped Pre3, HP’s latest and greatest WebOS phone, was nowhere to be seen by midsummer. But as an original Pre owner, the year-old Pre2 was still an upgrade for me and I was excited to have it.

The 32-GB HP Touchpad rounded out my happy new tech family, and I was elated! WebOS doesn’t have the same number of apps available as Android or Apple, but I could do everything I wanted / needed to do with existing apps or “homebrew” offerings from other WebOS enthusiasts. It seemed like everything had fallen into place for me and I was looking forward to putting my new tech toys to the test with the start of the fall semester.

But while I was busy snapping pictures of hundreds of students during registration this past Thursday, HP was holding a company meeting to announce, among other things, the end of WebOS. (Really, the end of HP, as we’ve known it…)

And I was stunned. And deflated. I know it’s just technology, just something inanimate, just a tool… but it stung. And not just because I had made a financial investment in hardware that was now being liquidated for a fraction of what I had paid. I had also made an emotional investment — and I felt a little betrayed. I wasn’t just buying a tablet, I was buying HP’s commitment to future development of a platform I loved. HP did say that it wasn’t walking away from WebOS, but those words ring a bit hollow.

So now what?

Well, it’s not like I’ve been left with absolutely nothing. For better or for worse, I am the owner of two WebOS devices that, at the present time at least, work very well for me. I’ve been robbed of most of the joy of ownership… but I figure I have at least a year of usable life in these devices. That’s about a year to resign myself to the inevitable and save up for the transition to Apple.

Am I bitter? Well, that new printer I need to purchase? The new server I’ll be needing soon? They’re not gonna be from HP…

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I just got back from another roadtrip. I love taking long drives, especially when I get to be in the mountains or explore areas that I haven’t visited before. Those road trips put a lot of miles on my car… which means more frequent oil changes during those times of the year when I travel the most.

I’ve always been pretty faithful about getting my oil changed… but until I got my current vehicle, I had never really noticed any difference performance-wise before and after oil changes. And I never thought much about that, because it was just a maintenance thing. I was doing it to prevent problems, not correct them. Plus, since I use one of those full-service oil-change places, I got all of my fluids checked, my tires filled, windows cleaned, and the inside vacuumed too

But my current vehicle always seemed to “perk up” noticeably after an oil change… almost like it was happy to be clean and topped off! Since it’s a convertible and more of a “sports car” than anything I’ve ever had before, I just figured it was more sensitive to oil and fluids than the average sedan. The most striking difference I noticed was that the gas pedal was so much more responsive! Then it would slowly lose some of that responsiveness as the odometer closed in on my next scheduled oil change.

I assumed that the responsive gas pedal had to do with something that the oil change guys were checking, lubing, or topping off.

But I was wrong.

I accidentally discovered the *real* reason for my post-oil-change perk up the other morning.

It’s the vacuuming.

It turns out that the floor mat “creeps” up under the gas pedal as I go about my normal driving routine. It slowly makes the pedal physically harder to push. But if I just pull the mat back a bit… which you pretty much have to do when you’re vacuuming the inside of the car… instant improvement!

I love finding unexpected solutions. Sometimes big improvements come from small, seemingly unrelated adjustments!

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